Asking Eric: Friend courts danger by feeding wildlife in her backyard

Dear Eric A friend of mine is a lovely woman and a real animal lover The obstacle is that she lives near specific woods and feeds the wild animals that come to her yard I m not talking about just putting out a bird feeder but she feeds opossums raccoons deer and other creatures and gets a lot of pleasure out of doing so It is not recommended that anyone feed wild animals in this way It is bad for the animals and for you for lots of reasons This week a black bear came up to her back door putting herself and her neighbors at pitfall She thought it was cute What can I say to discourage her from doing this She absolutely considers herself a saint for helping out God s creatures and she is not receptive to contrary suggestions Also an Animal Lover But Dear Animal Lover Opossums and raccoons and bears Oh my You re correct that feeding wild animals is potentially quite dangerous for them and for your friend The Department of Agriculture is quite clear on this Wild animals have specialized diets and can die if they re fed the wrong foods Wild animals who grow too accustomed to people are at danger of becoming too aggressive resulting in injury to others or too calm around moving vehicles resulting in their own injury In short unless your friend is an expert on wildlife she s not doing them the utility she might think she is You can direct her to the Department of Agriculture s Wildlife Services https www aphis usda gov wildlife-services where they don t mince words about why this isn t a wise idea and give suggestions for solutions of better living in harmony with wild animals But if she s not receptive to contrary suggestions chances are she s already heard what experts say and has decided to do what she wants anyway This makes me sad for her and for the animals It s best to enjoy viewing wildlife from a distance so that they can stay wild and stay safe Dear Eric In the age of Ozempic weight loss I have an etiquette question When you see a friend who has lost so much weight what is the proper thing to say Saying Wow you look great makes it sound like they didn t look good before Yet you can t ignore the change I ve been trying to come up with something appropriate but I m at a loss What to Say Dear What to Say In general it s best to not comment on other people s physical appearance so I d say yes you can ignore the change People s bodies change for all kinds of reasons weight loss programs medications surgery illness exercise and more There s no shame in looking different or wanting to look different But the invitation for constituents commentary is often erroneously assumed Unless someone says I m feeling great after taking Ozempic and I m glad I did it or something like that you don t need to comment Dear Eric I longed to add a perspective to Sad Aunt who felt great resentment at her nephews who were gatekeepers when they were caring for their dying father My grandmother was a very social and funny woman She never met a stranger When she was diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer her decline was very surprising and very fast My father and I flew in to help aid while she was in hospice at home shoutout to the incredible crew of hospice workers who cared for her It was very shocking and painful for her and suddenly this woman who loved nothing more than having her home filled with as numerous people as viable for a sit and visit craved no one but her sons and grandchildren near her My father was tasked with gatekeeping and respecting her wishes I knew countless family members were not happy when he had to turn down phone calls and visits Related Articles Asking Eric Spouse wants to reconcile with husband s estranged sister Asking Eric Neighbors trash habits cause a ruckus Asking Eric Husband s old girlfriend keeps posting about him on social media Asking Eric Partner is perpetually rude to neighbors Asking Eric Aunt wants information about adopted niece s birth mother End-of-life care is heartbreaking and exhausting While it may seem and may very possibly be a hostile act from the brother s children another strong possibility is that his children were rallying around him and giving the care he requested Perhaps seeing that his children were able to care and reconnect so deeply after a fraught marriage and divorce is heartening Maybe reaching out with gratitude to his children with compassion and for their care of your dear brother can help bridge a new relationship and together you can all learn and share new memories of your brother and create new bonds The majority Grateful Granddaughter Dear Granddaughter I m sorry for the loss of your grandmother and I appreciate this alternative perspective for the letter writer Sometimes with familial questions that can t be answered it s best to lead with empathy and assume the preponderance generous explanation Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com